Period Anthology: I Thought I was Dying

We are thrilled to share our next installment of our HOPE Period Anthology with you! Today we are happy to have Jennifer Gordon sharing her story with us. In our travels around the world, we have found that every single woman and girl has a story - but so often the stories surrounding our periods stay hidden, when really they are one of the major things that connects us all! This Period Anthology was Jennifer’s idea - to help bring women together to help our little sisters around the world know that they are not alone!

To share your story with us, send an email to Ginger@SheHopes.org or contact us HERE - and you can help spread the message of HOPE around the world, too!

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I was 11 when I first started my period. I was at home at this time in my life I was living with my mom and her second husband. It had to be a Saturday or Sunday because I was not at school. I went to the bathroom, and low and behold I was bleeding!  My goodness, I thought I was dying.

My mom was across the street at my grandmother's house drinking coffee. I called over to talk to my mom, my grandmother had answered the phone. I guess I was hysterical needing to please talk with my mom. Obviously my grandmother knew what was happening and thought it was pretty funny, like it was no big deal. When I told my mom that I was dying she told me that it was just my period. She asked, “Where the pads I got you?”

Well I had to tell her that I did not have them any more. Mom's response was to just get a tampon and use that. What?? A TAMPON!  First of all how do you use this? It goes where? I ended up using toilet paper wrapped around my panties. So maybe I should have not used the sample box of pads she gave me for my birthday as a science experiment. I was a very inquisitive person, always wanting to know how things work. On my 10th birthday I was living with my Meme and Pawpaw, and my mom came by to give me my birthday present. I opened this beautifully wrapped gift to first find this pink drop waist cotton dress, then this white thing. I asked what in the world is this?  It was a training bra!  Mom told me to go try the dress and bra on, I was a complete tomboy so I come out with the dress on and the bra over the dress. Well they laughed at that sight. Well there was something else in the box it was a sample box of 2 pads. I was mortified at the thought of having a period. The box said absorbent so in my head I thought what is this? How does this work?  So while in my room with my best friend, I took a knife and slit that pad open to see what was in it. Well really there was nothing special, I took water and pored it on the pad. That was pretty cool to see it fluff up.  So I wasted both pads on my curiosity.

I did finally get pads which felt like wearing a diaper.  I had been in Girl Scouts when I was in 4th grade, we watched a film about periods and things you should avoid like taking hot showers, and what the purpose was for having a period. No one ever told me about cramps, or that sometimes you might leak.  By then I was living with my mom and stepdad, and he did not understand at all about leaking accidents. As a matter a fact, I was spanked over having leaking accidents.

One day my aunt and cousin had came by, my little cousin had accidentally pooped in her panties. My aunt had thrown her panties in the trash. My step dad thought I had bleed through and was screaming and was going to spank me, my mom had to step in and stop him. I was so ashamed of something that was a natural part of life, I started to hide my pads and if I leaked on my panties. This went on for almost 3 years.

When I moved with my dad and new stepmom, it took a lot of time to finally learn that leaks are just that…accidents. My stepmom was very understanding because she had two daughters that were older than I. She also had horrible periods. I learned how to soak my panties in cold water. Also you can use peroxide to get it out.

When I was visiting with my Aunt Betty she asked if my step dad had molested me, trying to figure why I would hide my panties and pads. I had to explain that he had not molested me, but he did spank me for leaking blood during my period. I was so ashamed. Aunt Betty was so understanding and now knew why I acted the way I did. 

Now that I am a mom, I have two daughters, We talk about periods like its no big deal. It is natural. It is normal. I never want them to be ashamed of having a period.  I try to be open with my girls. My oldest is very vocal and does not care if boys know. I am proud of her being such a strong brave girl. My youngest daughter has not yet started her period. I hope she is strong and brave like her sister.

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Jennifer Gordon is a wife, mother of three, photographer, and the co-owner of Forever After Studio in Wichita, Kansas. Jennifer has been a hairstylist for over 25 years. She enjoys being there for her clients on their best and worst days, and seeing light in a person’s eyes as they leave her chair. Jennifer is on the SheHopes Board of Directors, and is a HUGE part of bringing HOPE to women and girls around the world.